Sunshine

Dear Hearts,

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried

You told me once dear, you really loved me
And no one else dear, could come between
But now you've left me and love another
You have shattered all my dreams

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away”

Mom sang me this song this morning as I lay dying.

Now, I am racing through the fields of golden “fields of barley” with this Palamino named Buddy. He was apparently was rescued by Mom and Dad too. We have a lot of stories to compare. He actually let them ride him! He let small children ride him!

I said that I had let Mom and Dad ride me a little bit, but basically I was like, “No. I am a former Harness Racing Horse, Rocky, and I will love you unconditionally, but my riding days are over…so, hand over the apples.”

I found my forever home with Mom and Day Almost over 15 years  ago. They saved me from a lonely and depressing fate.

That lady who got rid of me said that I was a “problem horse” and “aggressive.” Only toward her. She just wanted a show-horse pet to impress her friends. She didn’t really love me.

I admit I was a bit overly excited sometimes when Mom when Mom would come out with apples for me and Hadley, my donkey friend. So, I would kind of nip at Mom—but I guess my nips are more than nips to non-horses. She would smack me on the nose.

Whenever she would do that I would be like, “Is that supposed to deter me?” But, I let her think it did—it never hurt. And, then we used to play this awesome game with the fly-spray bottle. I would act like I was afraid of it and run her around the corral until she would stand there and almost cry in desperation, “Oh, Goddamnit, Rocky, just let me spray you.” Sorry, Mom.

I made like I was afraid of the spray bottle. But, I never really was.

I was 32 when I left Mom and Dad this morning. Things hadn’t been good for me for a while. I had really bad arthritis from my racing days. And, I was starting to fall down and black out. It was really hard to get back up.

Look at that! I just rolled on my back, feet high in the air, in mud! This place is just wonderful. I have all the apples, grain, grass, and hay I want. Mom and Dad also kept me on a diet so I wouldn’t get too fat. They did it for my own good and I appreciated it, but now I can eat all day! And run!

I am catching air right now!

Buddy is a good guy. He is showing me all the hills and valleys we can frolic.

I was always treated like a racehorse, which I was bred to be. I thought that was the only way to live until I came to Mom and Dad’s! Then I found out that I could be loved and I loved Mom and Dad back so hard. I got pets, brushes, apples, carrots, fresh hay, water, shelter and so much love, which all that matters anyway. I went from this little closed in stall to being able to stand out in the sleet and snow if I wanted. Mom could never figure out why I did that, but I loved to feel all I could feel. I could gaze at the moon. I could run the corral and then Mom and Dad got me Char, a donkey to keep me company. I was never alone before, so I was kind of depressed. She was my girl—she is here too—eating. Of course.

“Hey, Char!”

I was really sad when Char died. She was my best equine friend. Then Mom and Dad got Hattie, another donkey. I loved her too, but not like Char. Char was my first equine love. Hattie was pretty sick this spring with a fractured leg and she couldn’t leave the stall at all! For weeks! I stood by her side. I love her, too. And, I’m a gentleman.

She sometimes didn’t want to go on, but I said “No, you are not giving up. I will not allow it. If you go, then I go.”

Char would protest—but she knew she could not leave Mom and Dad Equine-less.

I think she played it up a bit with me to get my share of food…but, she was hurting too. She is much better now.

Hattie and I had an agreement. I knew I was not going to be around forever, so the agreement was that she love Mom and Dad twice as hard for the both of us when I was gone. And, I promised Hattie that after I moved on, they would get another companion for her.

WHOOOOO-HOOOOO! I just ran a mile from a dead stop to a dead stop. No pun intended. I love being able to rear up again and whinny and bray! See that fallen tree over there? I am gonna jump it!

“Watch this, Buddy!”

I FEEL GREAT!

But then I look at Mom and Dad and…I don’t feel bad…there are no bad feelings here…but I feel sorry that they are so sad. It’s hard to explain.

Mom laid with me and put her head and on my neck and just cried and cried this morning.

“I never made fun of her singing voice. I loved her voice. It was the sound of love.”

Dad comforted me too. But what Dad said to me stays between me and Dad.

I kept trying to get up…to make it one more day…I just couldn’t. My Spirit was willing, but not my legs…

Anyway, I had a great life with Mom and Dad. God gave me the perfect home. What Mom doesn’t know, especially in the last few years—I was tired and sometimes I just hurt—is that she was the Sunshine of My Life.

I didn’t leave her and Dad—I’m just elsewhere.

All my hurts are healed. There are no flies or ticks here. (They go to a very warm place!) I have all my favorite foods—apples, carrots, even the special mush Mom used to make me. I am free and at peace.

Mom, Dad, just know, that I haven’t let and I never will love another the way I loved you. Hattie, you take care of them, now.

“Hey, Buddy! Look, Buffalo! Let’s chase ‘em! Char, come on!”

 Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless

In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Ailbhe; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.

Grateful For:

Faith

Health

Family

Angel

Sleep

Running

Cigarettes

Coffee

Good dentists

Aunt Faerie
Johnny and Gaia being there for Mom and Dad
All my Blessings from God.