Please Stand By...Me

Dear Hearts,

Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that all of this depression and stuff would just fix itself.

After my teachers’ union benefits stop in December, I would magically get a job to supplement my disability. I’d be okay to do that. I would be capable of that.

Even when I was with T., I believe that God and Mother Mary would just work it all out.

I needed to believe what T. was selling

“They told you that it was all meant to be and that you were chosen…and all of this was destiny and it was easy for you to believe it--because you needed to believe it-- because it was the only way to go on. There is another way now--with us.” The Last Ship

T. made me feel chosen. He made me feel—for a brief time happier than I had felt since I was a child. (After meeting him, but before my OD.) He made me feel desired in a way Asshole never had. He showed me that sex (all Catholic judgment and aside) could be wonderful! A cigarette and Rescue Me was not better than making love! He made me feel loved.

I was just two weeks out from my last ECT treatment. The ECT was a failure. It was. I am boldly admitting it: ECT was a failure. I didn’t want to kill myself anymore, but instead I lost all inhibition, good judgment, who I was, and so many memories.

PLEASE STAND BY FOR A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.

KATE JUST HAD A WICKED EPISODE AND NOW SHE IS DONE FOR THE NIGHT. WE WILL RESUME WITH OUT REGUALRY SCHEDULED PROGRAM TOMORROW.

XANAX TAKES CARE OF THE PAN-IX! GET SOME TODAY!

Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless

In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.

PS: Thank you Saint Therese!