Defective

Dear Hearts,

A lot of people in 2017 suffer from severe Clinical Depression and Bi-Polar Disorder.

Big Pharama is making billions. ECT is back in vogue. And, it’s not just in America.

What defect do we all share that makes us unable to adapt to life?

“…Perhaps we possessed some deficiency in common which made us subtly unadaptable...” Fitzgerald

I had a good day. I should not be sitting on the couch in dejection. I don’t wanna draw. I haven’t decided if I am gonna make myself or not. I’m so tired of this carousel.

Some people, like Marcia (my beloved late sister-in-law) are born with the disease along hereditary lines. Other people “get it” later in life.

Until 2014, I was functioning. No, I wasn’t happy. But, I functioned. Not well—not a great quality of life, but I functioned.

Did the divorce from Asshole cause this defect in my brain like a head injury? Did being with Asshole further do damage? The ECT?

There are other people like me who cannot function. No, we aren’t lying awake at night worrying about the environment and our carbon footprint, or how we could possibly bring a child into this Trump-as-President world. We lay awake at night fighting Demons.

We think about how much fucking easier it would be if we just got off the carousel.

Are we weak? Lazy? Is it just all our faults? You can test for diabetes. There is a blood test. There is no blood test for Depression or Bi-Polar. For those of us who seriously suffer from it—we is our defect? Is the defect real?

Just fucking get over yourself, bitch.

Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless

In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.