Life Or Death

Dear Kate,

Saint Peter here.

First, let’s get this out of the way first.

You will not go to Hell or be refused entrance to Paradise because of your language. You take God and Christ’s name in some of the most creative ways I have ever heard. And after 2,000 years—I’ve heard A LOT. “Christ on a cracker?” That is a new one. Jesus actually found that rather humorous. You do the best you can on all the other fronts, so the breaking of that Commandment (Thou Shalt No Take the Lord’s Name in Vain) is your reoccurring sin, so be it. You’re human. So, you can stop feeling guilty every time you say “Goddamn,” “Jesus fucking Christ,” “Christ!” “Christ on a cracker,” and the multitude of other phrases you devise. Christ knows what in your heart. Keep confessing that sin—but I don’t expect you to stop and neither does Christ. I denied Christ three times and He still built His Church on me. So, some swearing from you is not a deal-breaker.

Martha, yesterday, said she wanted you to write two blogs about your future. You were going to “fuck all” to that—so I am stepping in for you.

I know you are hurting. God, Christ, Mother Mary, and all the Saints know you are hurting. You have to push on, Kate. You tried to get here earlier with your OD, but that was not your time. I know you hurt and you want to give up. I promise there is a “golden sky” waiting for you. I swear it.

You have to let your house go, Kate. You are not going to go back there and live. You know that. You have to let go of the house and all the dreams and expectations that are wrapped up in the house. You fought for the house in your divorce (which is forgiven and annulled in the eyes of God) because you had to. You were not done with your work at School yet.

Christ does everything in His own time. He is taking His time with you, but there is a reason, Kate. I promise.

You can’t see the future. As Martha pointed out, you are living the future now. You have made the decision to live in with G-Pa until…this is your life. No, you aren’t working 40 hours a week, but you are improving your grandfather’s quality of life. That is worth more than any 40 hour a week job. Truly.

I know you don’t believe most of what I am saying and that’s okay. Christ, St. Jude, St. Therese, Saint Brigid, Archangel Michael, God, Mother Mary, and I have enough Faith for you—even if you don’t.

I know you hurt. I know that right now you are physically hurting. Give the pain to Christ, Mother Mary, Saint Jude, Me…we can handle it.

The house is an anchor holding you back from living the life that you are meant to live.

That’s it. Close your eyes and quiet your mind for a moment. Be still. Let go of the house. You must. Better things await you, I promise.

You will always have a home. You are in your home right now. You are home. What was so wonderful about Nebraska? You were staying in sparse conditions—but you were free. That’s what made Nebraska so wonderful. You were free.

You have survived the death of people whom you really, really loved. You can and will survive this loss too. You know that deep down in that still place, you never felt at home in Your House.

You can be free—let go and commit to living.

It’s your life or your house.

Your future is…now…

You will never walk alone. Let Christ take your yoke, and you take His, for His is light as a feather.

You have to choose: life or death.

Really, that is your choice. Free will and all that. Choose.

Would you leave G-Pa and The Holy City and go back and live in your house?

No.

There’s your answer.

More is not always better. 10 rooms and 500 Barbies cannot fill the holes, Kate.

Remember when you never thought your colitis would go into remission? Or you never believed you’d be a Christian, much less a Catholic? The “impossible happened.”

All things are possible with God. I know you don’t believe me.

You can’t see a future until you choose: life or death.

“Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.”

If you really close THAT door for good—Christ knows what other door will open for you. The Golden Sky.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Ever Faithful in Love,

Peter

Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless

In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.