Dear Hearts,
I am a bad Catholic.
First, I skipped Mass to go to an Eastern Star function on Saturday.
According to The Catechism:
“The Church has imposed the penalty of excommunication on Catholics who become Freemasons. The penalty of excommunication for joining the Masonic Lodge was explicit in the 1917 code of canon law (canon 2335), and it is implicit in the 1983 code (canon 1374).”
Masonry has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I was a Rainbow Girl. (The young girls’ Masons) I am now a Star. There is nothing anathema in Masonry (I will use Masonry to cover The Star because it is a branch of the Masons) to Catholicism or even Christianity.
Except you don’t have to believe Christ is Your Savior until you get into the upper-echelons of Masonry. (You never have to believe in Christ in the Star.) God, yes. Christ, not required. So, Masonry does not declare one religion as superior to others and it is not exclusively Christian. However, this is what goes on in a Rainbow, Star, Masonic meeting: (Actually I never sat in on a Masons’ private meeting because I am a woman. But, I don’t they whip out the Satanic Props only during their Wednesday or Tuesday night meetings.)
1. Pray
2. The Pledge of Allegiance
3. All the ritual work is from the Bible. All of it.
4. Raise money for charities.
5. Create and provide a community that cares
So far, I have yet to see or hear one whit of anything that is anathema to Christianity.
My Dad is a Mason. He is a devout Christian, although he prescribes to no Church.
I have no problem ignoring the Cannon Law that forbids Masonry. It all goes back to politics and the Crusades.
So.
Why do I have a problem ignoring the teaching that ONLY a priest can absolve me of my sins? I love Confession or the idea of it. I love the idea that I can have an apostolic priest absolve me of my sins. “You are forgiven.” You let burden go to Christ.
In NY and PA, Confession was readily available and a totally positive experience. The one time I went to Confession in The Holy City, ironically, was dreadful. I, a fornicator and adulterer, left in tears. I didn’t even confess to those sins! I was legally divorced and the ink was dry. My marriage wasn’t even Christian in nature. But, yeah, I was fornicating with T. Or so the priest got me to admit.
Go to Confession. It’s important. It’s a sacrament. It’ll save you. I don’t see how my taking the Lord’s name in vain hurts the entire Body of the Church, though.
Go once a year. That’s the mandate. Huh? If it’s so important why is it only mandated once a year? Oh! It is like those Holy Days of Obligation that fall on a Friday or a Monday (excluding Easter)—they are smooshed into The Saturday/Sunday Mass. Huh. Kinda like the whole no meat eating thing—that was changed to fish on Fridays. Kinda like the Latin Mass was changed to the local language. Also, the whole the Eucharist can be taken in the hand instead of the mouth and a lay person can administer it.
Who makes this shit up? Christ? God? Mother Mary? Nope, man. And let’s not kid ourselves that through all the translations of the Bible none of the original intent has changed.
This Bible Study I am taking online is making me think about all of this.
I am in the Mid-West. Catholics do not abound out here and they make me look liberal!
So, Confession is not regularly offered. What’s a Catholic sinner to do? I ain’t goin’ back to Priest Asshole. I go right to the source! Christ!
Apparently, God “wed” Himself to us through the death of Christ. Okay. So, how come I gotta go to a third party to get forgiveness from my husband?
Again, I love the idea of Confession and the Confessions I’ve had on the East Coast have all been positive. I want to hear somebody—through the Power of Christ—say it’s okay you screwed up and will keep screwing up.
But when I can’t go to Confession—does that just mean my sins pile up. And Christ on a Cracker what if I forget a sin? Is missing Mass really a Mortal Sin?
“A serious, grave or mortal sin is the knowing and willful violation of God's law in a serious matter, for example, idolatry, adultery, murder, slander. These are all things gravely contrary to the love we owe God and, because of Him, our neighbor. As Jesus taught, when condemning even looking at a woman lustfully, sin can be both interior (choices of the will alone) or exterior (choices of the will carried into action). A man who willfully desires to fornicate, steal, murder or some other grave sin, has already seriously offended God by choosing interiorly what God has prohibited.” EWTN
So, if I don’t believe that missing Mass is a sin—am I “willfully violating” that law? And oh shit! My thoughts count too!
In the past few weeks, I have been a bit cross with the Church.
When I left Asshole I wanted Redemption, Morality, Atonement, Rules, Traditions. I needed that anchor and tether.
T. went every Sunday but it didn’t make him a better person. Who am I to judge? I am the one he threatened to “fucking kill” and I picked his drunk ass up more than once. That’s who I am to judge.
The Catholic Church gave me structure and rules. All the rules I had lived didn’t put me in the right place. I needed new ones. Although the old rules weren’t exactly Anti-Christian. I tried to do the right things and I still ended up with a nervous breakdown. So, Mother Mary, Christ, God—Redeem Me!
For the better part of my adult life, I was a Pagan. And, that Paganism prepared me for Catholicism in so many ways. The similarities are stunning. Somewhere along the line I gave up the Old God and Goddesses and started to get mired in the rules.
Isn’t that why Christ came? To free the Jews from the 346.5 rules or whatever they had?
In the last few days with the Bible Study about the Sacraments (Confession and Spiritual Healing), I am becoming more and more cross.
Suffering is good? It’s good for the whole Church? The more you suffer, the better you are as a person? Take 10 seconds every hour and offer you hour of life up as a pray for someone? Pray 10 minutes every day. Dolores Hope (Bob’s wife) is held up as an epitome of a married woman because she put up with Bob’s numerous affairs and he finally converted to Catholicism in the last seven years before his 100 years on Earth?
Fuck that.
Why am I a Catholic? I believe in Christ, the Mother Mary…
“I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth;
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen. (Apostle’s Creed)
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen. (Apostle’s Creed)
I buy all that stuff. And I buy everything in the Nicene Creed too. And, I pretty much don’t have any major dispute with the Bible. I believe in transubstantiation, wearing a veil to Mass, taking the Eucharist only from a priest.
I believe in so much of what the Catholic Church promulgates. And, I’ve been drawn to the Catholic Church, especially Mother Mary, since I was a child. I didn’t denounce my Paganism—it just bled into Catholicism.
I am proud to be a Catholic. I love Pope Francis. I have a spiritual Home and a Faith backed by Tradition.
But, I must be careful to not allow The Church to become an abusive entity in my life. That’s why I denounced Christ as a young teenager—God was out to get me at every wrong turn and thought, so I was told.
I have seen the Face of God. Mother Mary has talked to me. Saint Therese says “Hey” often through feathers. St. Jude’s flame is on my wrist—I am a living testament to Him. If I talk about my tattoo—St. Jude is accredited. He also gave me a car.
I found Salvation, Atonement, and Redemption in Catholicism.
But…Catholicism defined by whom?
The priest who said I was a slut?
The guy online who says marriage is forever and ever and suffering is terrific?
The priest who made fun of the dead?
The sometimes arbitrary and political rules of the Catechism?
Pope Francis, who is a big part of why I became Catholic?
My Heart. I prayed to The Goddess for years. Now, I call Her Mother Mary. I prayed to the Goddess Brigid. Now, she is my Patron Saint. (Why not Matron Saint?) The Rosary comforts me.
When I stand before God on the Day of Judgment…I think I will tell Him that I threw out some of the bathwater, but not the baby. I will tell Him that I did my best. I will tell Him that I listened to my Heart. In my own way, I was Devout.
I will not allow Man to steal the beauty I have found in Christ and Mother Mary. I gotta make a stand sometime. If not now, then when?
Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless
In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.
PS: Thank you, God, for the Burning Bed proposition. And, thanks for directing me to that website.
Grateful For:
Health
Amish Pumpkin Cinnamon Roles
Angel
Faith
Family
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