Farewell, Camelot.

Dear Hearts,

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11

“The child is father of the man.” Wordsworth

When I went to see Martha yesterday, she was a little off her game. She was having a panic attack. I knew something was up, but I couldn’t identify it, until she told me so. She just wasn’t totally with me. But, that’s okay. I was, at first, a bit disappointed, but then I realized that just by talking I came to some revelations.

I told her about my former post—where I wondered where Faerie Kate went. The Faerie Kate who was obsessed with Guinevere, King Arthur, Camelot, other dimensions, spirits, faeries, magick…

“Maybe you grew up,” she said.

That made me sad. I have never wanted to be one of those adults who has an “adult” house with “adult” art and décor. I like the particle board computer table Mom and I put together almost 30 years ago. I like my Yaffa-Blocks. I hang posters of Daryl Dixon.

Just because I grow up, doesn’t mean that I have to give up my dolls, Pocket Dragons, Faeries, food-shaped erasers, and belief in faeries.

I used to believe in Camelot. The Moon was the most powerful emblem of the Mother Goddess. I was Guinevere and I’d married my Arthur. All my childhood things surrounded me. I believed in Magick.

Now, I believe in Angels…and faeries. The Moon is a symbol of Mother Mary. Camelot has fallen…fairytales don’t exist. I believe in miracles. I believe in the Virgin Birth and transubstantiation. I still have plenty of stuffies surrounding me and I still sleep with them.

But, I wouldn’t blend seamlessly into a Renaissance Faire anymore. I don’t wear seven necklaces at a time. I am not Glastonbury Kate. I am…Nebraska Kate.

I don’t want to go to The House and pack my things.

Epiphany yesterday with Martha: Have I been so determined to hold onto The House, because it is easier to leave it and all the trappings of my former life there than deal with them?

Looking Faerie Kate in the face and saying, “Hey, your time is over now. I still love you. I cherish you and all you hold dear, but life is different for us now. The Fairytale is dead, sweetie, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be dead. There is plenty of wonder still in the world. There is life after Camelot…”

That

Is far more difficult than just throwing money at Faerie Kate and The House so I can put them aside like a barren queen.

Rosaries have taken the place of crystals. Something that used to be an integral part of me is no more. That makes me sad, but also perhaps Hopeful?

That life didn’t work out so well? Will Nebraska-Kate’s work out better?

I was thinking about the Corinthians Bible quote yesterday and today is was the “Daily Bible Verse” via my email. God was nudging me. Thank you.

I understand and think like a woman? Maybe Camelot didn’t fall. Maybe, I left Camelot.

I don’t need A Dream House and Dream Life…I just need a Reality that doesn’t make me cry and hurt.

Smoke ‘em if ya’ got ‘em. God Bless

In the name of The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; Mother Mary, Saint Brigid; Saint Jude; Saint Therese Lisieux; Saint Peter; Archangel Michael, and my Guardian Angel, Jed.

PS: So not doing Palm Saturday service today. Going to Gram’s with Café coffee, reading, cigarettes, and rosaries.

PPS: What I liked as a child (Barbie, pink, stuffies…I’ll never stop loving those things. The child is the father of the man…maybe on some full mooned-nights you can catch me wearing wings and dancing around the back yard with my wand.

Grateful For:

Health

Peanut Butter Pie

Saturday Movie Night

Angel

Faeries